YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
