The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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