I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
