He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
