oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
We got so high we made milksteak
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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