my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
