i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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