I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
