Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize