So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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