I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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