I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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