you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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