Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
