I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
