did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize