Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
