your thong is hanging out like whoa
Pappa wants mamma naked
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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