Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
