I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You did what with his pubic hair?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize