He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
