Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize