some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
