thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
