Please, let me fuck your mom
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So squirting runs in the family.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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