Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize