i already hear my dad disowning me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
