dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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