Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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