I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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