Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
