He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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