Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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