Do you still have your period?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
