we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
