All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
