When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
