I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize