Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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