put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
