hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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