i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
