i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
