he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
