You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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