feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I wear drunk well.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
