Ambien. No doubt about it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
