Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
