i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
