Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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