this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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