I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
