when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Someone came in the potted fern
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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