Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
