How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
