Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
