Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
