I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
