did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
