never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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