Moan for me like Helen Keller
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
