Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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