If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
In America we eat man semen.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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