Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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