I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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