so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
