I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
