so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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