he shaved USA in his pubs
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
