hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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