I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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