My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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