I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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