I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
