the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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